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Are You an Angry Mother?

angry-mother

Are You an Angry Mother?

Do your kids think you are an angry mother? How many times a day do you shout at them? Do they make you mad ALL the time?
“Both of you just SHUT UP for God’s sake!”
This happened when my son was shrill shrieking because he wanted his 100th glass of milk and my daughter was moany whining because she had spilled water on her favorite doll.
My yell shocked me too. And it sure as hell shocked my kids, both of whom started bawling in unison.
I sat down on the floor by them and we all legit cried together.
Being a mom is hard, and there will be tons of times when you will be angry. And being angry is okay. It’s a natural response to what is happening around you and it is a very legitimate emotion. Your kids need to see anger too, because they need to learn that anger isn’t bad and it is okay to feel this way.

BUT you don’t want to act on your anger in a way that will set a cycle in motion. So you have to be careful about it. Why? Here are my reasons:

 

A) because I don’t want my kids to remember me as being mean and angry
B) because having a mean and angry mom will give your kids issues.

C) because it’s no fun to be in a bad mood and it doesn’t help anyone.

 

Here are a few reasons why you are an angry mom (basing them on myself mostly):

  1. You take things personally: You see kids not listening to you as a personal insult sometimes. You get offended easily, thinking ‘How could they?’Take a step back. When your anger rises after they do something, and before you jump up at them, take a minute to think about the root of your anger. Are you mad simply because they didn’t do what you said?Calm down and remember, it’s consistency, discipline, and training that fosters good behavior, not their fear of your angry outbursts.
  2. Your expectations are high: It’s hard to figure out the sweet spot of expectation. You don’t want to low ball or high ball the kids by expecting what they can’t deliver or not expecting what they should.This is a work in progress that needs regular changes and , but if you are expecting your 2-year-old to act like a 5-year-old, you are bound to get ticked off.You can only expect a good attitude from your kids, if you yourself have a good attitude. Angry mother, angry children. Plain and simple.
  3. You are pouring from an empty cup: Being a mom you do need to give stuff up, but not at the cost of your sanity. If you are empty and have nothing to give – yet still continue giving – what you’re giving is not a gift.So, Me Time is necessary, take it!
  4. The boundaries and limits in your house are blurring: Our children’s behavior is a result of our own parenting strategies. Not all, obviously, because they have their own free will.
    However, if we are lax, too strict, or inconsistent their free will causes them to do things that aren’t exactly nice.
    Find a good system for your house and stick to it for dear life. Be consistent and clear about your expectations.
  5. You’re stressed and need a good vent: I have a short fuse when I am stressed out. Every little stupid thing ticks me off.Find some way to let out your frustration in other ways than exploding with your kids. I started drawing, and it really helped be become calm, instead of an angry mother.
So… while it’s normal to get angry, we should be able to manage it. Our kids need to know that actions have consequences, but we do not need to explode on them for that.
And instead of just trying not to shout at them, remember: anger is not the issue, it is a symptom. Find the problem and cure it. It will make things much easier.
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